"You're doing a good job."

Recently I was out for dinner with my two daughters. As per usual my children were friendly & smiley towards those seated around us, including the table with a family that had two older girls. Following our meal, on the way out of the restaurant, the mom of the family with the daughters stopped me. She asked the ages of my children (3 & 1), commented on how busy I must be (in a knowing sort of way) & then complimented their behaviour throughout the meal.

The exchange of that evening got me thinking about how I interact with other parents, whether I know them or not. We’ve all been there, someone starts melting down in the middle of the store & everyone is all eyes. Some give the sympathetic look, portraying complete understanding of the situation. Others are judgemental, usually as they’ve never been in that situation themselves. Occasionally a passerby will offer the words, “this too shall pass.” But still there the desperate parent is, struggling to keep it together & help their child get it together.

The thing that stuck out to me about my interaction with the fellow girl mom following our mealtime out, was that she didn’t offer me some cliche phrase to make me feel guilty about not savouring these hectic, busy baby & toddler years, rather encouraged my children & more directly my parenting.

I can totally appreciate the sentiment of the phrase, “this too shall pass.” Parents of adult children never fail to let you know that “before you know it they’re grown,” & any parent knows this all too well. I mean, hello, where has the last year gone? Just like that I’m on the cusp of full on toddlerhood with my second child! The days may be long, but the years are certainly, very short. And although that short phrase, “this too shall pass,” is intended to offer some sort of hope, it still leaves a parent feeling desperate & in the moment, often like a failure.

I know that in those crazy moments when the sh*t is hitting the fan & meltdown mode is in full swing, it’s like a car crash; it’s so bad that you want to look away, but you just can’t. Imagine if rather than giving that awkward, knowing smile, or offering some cliche that offers little to no hope in that precise moment, if we simply said, “you’re doing a good job.”

I’ll be honest, I’m my own worst critic when it comes to parenting. There are countless times when I beat myself up as I drift to sleep about situations that I could have handled better, been more patient, spoke more softly, been more kind, been more engaged… What I need more than anything from those who have been there isn’t unsolicited advice (social media offers enough of that, thank you very much), or a catchphrase to make me feel guilty. What I need is someone who’s been there to identify that I am in fact doing the best that I can given the circumstances.

So the next time I witness a meltdown in the grocery store, knowing the self condemnation that accompanies your child losing it, I’ll be the first offer the phrase, “you’re doing a good job,” because really, aren’t we all just hungry for validation? Parenthood is hard enough on it’s own with sleepless nights, endless laundry, mealtime mishaps & feeding struggles, playtime struggles, the witching hour, chaotic bath & bedtimes, potty training, explosive poos, meltdown moments, figuring out childcare etc. etc. etc. What we really need from other parents is a cheer squad. Unless asked, I won’t offer advice, just encouragement. 

Goodness knows we all need.

Back at it.

It’s been awhile, a very long while. So much has changed and yet, so little. 

So, what’s changed? My baby girl is now a toddler. A crazy 3 year old, with most amazing vocabulary and entertaining personality. She’s always up for fun and a giggle, she’s friendly and outgoing, she knows what she wants and I’m certain one day this will be a trait I greatly admire in her, although at times it makes me want to scream.

There is however still a baby girl in my life. A sweet little one year old, who is full of smiles and spunk. She’s a quiet the observer and then quickly surprises you with her go-getter attitude. Did I mention she’s sweet? She truly is, the sweetest little thing and she’s been like that from the moment she joined our wee family.

Our world is busier and much more pink, but then it’s always been busy and always very pink. I’m still at this stay-at-home mom thing. Working on not beating myself up over the little things and celebrating the little (& the BIG!) things. Have you ever noticed how it’s easier to beat ourself up than to celebrate our wins, no matter how big? Here’s a win, I’ve finished cups of coffee lately before they’ve gone cold. I won’t get into my dismal feelings of failure…not today at least. I’m sure there’s great pieces of wisdom to be shared, I’m just still working through the process of not picking myself apart too badly. Thankfully His mercies are new every morning and perhaps after nap times, too?

We’ve grown and experienced and been stretched & challenged & here we are still standing. I’m still holding hands with the most amazing man I know. He’s forever wowing us with how he loves, protects, provides, encourages and supports us. Through every season we’ve faced we’ve somehow come through stronger and more committed than before. 

It’s the fall, a new season. Although September is not even close to beginning of the year, in my mind it’s always been the beginning. Perhaps because after our little summer hiatus from everything from actives to favourite TV shows, it’s all starting up again. Or perhaps it’s because in my former career everything seemed to kick start after the summer and I’m stuck in that mode. Regardless, I’m happy for this fall, I’m feeling rooted and ready for all that’s headed our way.

Musings From a Mom of Girls

Hello my name is Catherine & I am a girly girl. I’ve always been a fan of coordinated outfits including shoes & jewelry. I’m a lover of all things glittered & sparkly (much to my husbands dismay when it’s time to decorate for Christmas & it looks as though our house as been invaded by fairies). I love shopping, fresh flowers & high heels. For the one year I played soccer my mom said other parents on the sidelines asked if I was a dancer because of how I would run down the field. I love all things pretty.

It should come as no surprise that I am delighted to mother two beautiful little girls. So far (the youngest is still a bit young to know for sure) they are just like their mother! My 3 year old loves princesses, sparkles, dress up, shopping & pink. I love that over my daughters’ lifetimes we will get to share all sorts of fabulous experiences together; ear piercings, first makeovers, pedicures, shopping trips, late night tears & giggles.

I realize there is a chance that one or both of my girls may not be into the same girly things that I am & I am 100% ok with that. Growing up, my little sister & I were not completely on the same page in terms of a lot of our interests & yet we still developed a close & strong relationship; which is ultimately what I care about most. No matter what, I want my children to know that they are loved & valued regardless of what their interest may be.

I’m also not so naive to think that raising girls won’t have it’s unique challenges, but I like to feel I’m up to the challenge. Being an incredibly emotional female myself (yes, I’m the one who cries in commercials & gets teary at weddings & baby dedications), I feel as though I may have a certain advantage to when it comes to emotional teenage girls. And sass, sweetheart, I’ve got that one covered. I distinctly remember the last time I was grounded as a teenager being because I was “being a bitch.” 

Consider this blog my random musings of being a mom to girls. The high highs & the low lows, God knows my life is full of them!

Daddy's Girl

My baby girl loves her daddy. I'm sure for some parents it's difficult when their child picks a favourite. I've read in numerous books & magazines how to handle possible feelings of rejection when you come in second place. Personally, I love it! I can't begin to describe how my heart reacts when I see the two most important people in my life together!

I will never forget watching my husband first fall in love with our girl as he held her in his arms at the hospital. After an emergency cesarean, he was lucky enough to give her her first cuddles & kisses. I've been told that when he said her name as she was being examined by doctors & nurses she immediately turned towards his voice. He has always been equally as effective with calming, soothing & putting her to sleep as I have been (unless she's hungry). Although bath times started rocky for our wee one who hated being naked (until only recently!), they've always been special times for the two of them as upon bringing our little one home daddy assumed the bathing baby role. 

After 13 months of enjoying our precious daughter on the outside, there are no words to describe how amazing it feels to watch her start to share affection with us! My heart has melted as I've watched the man I married, gracefully & confidently step into fatherhood. My heart now bursts as I watch my girl fall in love with the man who will for years to come be the most important male in her life. 

One of her favourite words to say is "dad," & she's so delighted to hear her dad call back to her. When she hears the door open when he returns home from a day at work, her face lights up & she immediately makes her way to his warm embrace. When the three of us are together she often favours being with her daddy. 

How could I possibly be jealous of their sweet relationship? It is so incredibly special to watch the daddy/daughter relationship blossom & grow. I also know that it's quite unique & different from my relationship with her. 

To the dad's out there, know that those moments early on make a difference. As tough as it can be with the screams & cries with a newborn, you're building an amazing foundation for a strong relationship as you head into life with a toddler. Learning your baby's preferences & little quirks not only help your partner out when everyone's tired, but it helps you bond with your baby from the get-go. 

For the moms, don't take the favouritism too personally. Enjoy watching the special unique bond form between your man & baby. Relish in the fact that there's someone who loves & cares for that little person as much as you do! What a blessed child to receive that much love & affection from both parents. 

How could I possibly be jealous of a relationship that I could never fulfill? What an incredible example my girl is getting at a very young age of unconditional love from her daddy. May she know that her Daddy loves her even more (I can't even imagine that's possible, but I know that it is!) than the both of us combined. 

Family is a sweet blessing that I pray my baby girl will always have, know, & be confident of. 

90 birthday candles

My amazing maternal grandmother turned 90 today. My mom's sisters decided to throw her a come & go tea, aka birthday party, this past weekend. Those of us who are blessed enough to be in the same family as her know her resilience & love first hand, as a result it was no surprise to see the many guests attend her party & honour her on this admirable milestone.

If you've ever met my grandma, you know what a shock it is to think that she's 90 years old; not only is she in remarkable physical condition, she has maintained a sharp mind & quick wit. I'm thankful for the influence she's had in my life over the years & for the incredible genetics that she's passed onto her daughters & grandchildren.

My grandma is someone I respect more then I can clearly articulate. She's been a constant source of support as I've travelled the a couple of contents, started a career, gotten married & experienced all sorts of twists & turns. She's someone who displaces unconditional love unlike anyone I've ever met.

In honour of my incredible grandma I wrote the following to share at her party:

Grandma, for 26 of your 90 years I've had the honour & privilege of being your granddaughter; this has brought great responsibility to my life. A responsibility to be a loving, supportive wife. A responsibility to keep my heart & arms open towards my family, as I display unconditional love. A responsibility to be a kind & faithful friend. A responsibility to care for the physical, emotional & spiritual needs if those who enter my home. And finally a responsibility to care for myself, as being in your shape at 90 is something I aspire to. Thank you for being the ultimate role model, it's my great delight to build upon your legacy. I love you.

Among the many blessings in my life that I'm thankful for, my grandma is certainly one of them. It was such a privilege to be able to celebrate this milestone with her. I'm forever grateful to be her granddaughter.

About my mom & family

With Mother's Day having just passed, I've been quite reflective the past little while about how incredible my mom is.  Those closest to her & who know her well, know that her life has certainly had it's share of difficult situations & yet, she is strong & could easily be defined as an overcomer.  My mom is beautiful to the core & her beauty from within radiates outwards.  Her identity is defined not by what she does, rather by who she is & by who has created her.  She is without a doubt supportive, encouraging, passionate & faithful.  The way she models unconditional love consistently points me to Jesus.  She loves & values people, a trait that I believe she has passed on & instilled into her children, which leads me to type the following...

I am a lover of all things family. I'm an advocate for the family.

The thing I'm realizing, is that at the core of my love for family, it's not so much about my family, rather about relationships. More then relationships, it's the essence of having a safe place to fall & to receive unconditional love, no matter what.

This love that is so deep within me, I truly believe was placed there the moment I was created. People crave relationships. I think of the movie "Cast Away" with Tom Hanks, he craved relationship so much he became friends with Wilson, a volleyball. There is no doubt in my mind that people were never created to be alone.

Personally, I could not be more thankful for my parents & siblings. Without a doubt my sister is my most trusted, best friend. My parents are one of the few safe places in my life that I can run to regardless of the situation I find myself in. My brother is always just a phone call or text away & although younger then me, has been my "protecter" since we were children.  The family I've married into is equally as important & valuable in my life.  I realize the relationships I have with my inlaws are precious & indeed rare.  My husband & I value our relationships with our family members above all others & desire to create a home where family is always a top priority.

I do realize however that not everyone has been as fortunate as I have in terms of biological parents & siblings. Unfortunately family as I know it is not the norm. This would explain the numerous people who have been in & out my life growing up, acting as "older siblings," as they were seeking a safe place like the home I grew up in.

And this is where one of the beautiful things about families comes in. Family can be created. If at the end of the day, a family is the people you feel most loved, accepted & safest with, then no DNA testing can define or determine your family.  However there is one key factor involved with family as I know it, & that is intergenerational relationships.

A little while ago I had the distinct joy & privilege of spending time with some extended family.  From my great aunt, to cousins the same age as my parents, plus a few cousins closer to my age, these three generations spent some precious moments together & were the envy of many around us.  Every once in awhile I need to pinch myself as I think of the reality in which I live.  I think one of my family's greatest assets is that we're inclusive, as all families should be.

They say that blood is thicker then water.  As it should be.  Family are the ones who stick closest through thick & thin.  Who support & encourage in all circumstances.  Family are the ones who display unconditional love in the most overwhelming ways that cannot begin to be described.

In the end, our family in whatever shape or form it comes will always be there & in turn, need us to be there for them.

Twenty Seven Million

There’s a song that has just come available today on iTunes in Canada that I purchased first thing this morning.

I can’t say that I’m necessarily in love with the music, I am however in love with lyrics & the cause.

Twenty Seven Million, by Matt Redman & LZ7, is a song to fight human trafficking. Partnering with the A21 campaign, all proceeds from this song are going towards fighting modern day slavery.

Roll Up the Rim, a Canadian tradition at Tim Horton’s, is currently happening. When I think of the cost of a coffee as opposed to the $1.29 I paid for Twenty Seven Million, I can’t help but think there’s absolutely no comparison. The value of any prize won at Timmy’s doesn’t even come close to the value of freedom.

Today, if you’re contemplating spending loose change on a coffee, can I challenge you to reconsider? Do something today to change the world. Be someone’s freedom. Let your actions speak out against human trafficking.

Wilderness Message

{Adapted from Sister's Connect at Dominion GateWay Center, February, 13th, 2012}

Did you make a New Years Resolution this year? Have you managed to keep your resolution so far? One of my resolutions was to start an online Bible readying plan through YouVersion, which will lead me through he Bible in one year. Truth be told, I've read through the Bible before. Second truth, I've started this plan before (this is my third time actually) & have failed. Perhaps this time will be different though...

I've recently finished the book of Exodus. I don't know if you've ever read Exodus before, but for me, reading it through this time, it was as if every day there was something new for me to ponder or be challenged with.

I've been challenged by the courage of Moses' mother & sister, two amazing women who changed history by protecting & saving Moses' life.

I've been confronted with my feelings of inadequacy, much like Moses, wondering "who am I God, that you would choose to use me?"

I've remember past springs & autumns when my house seems to be full of flied & have felt as though I can identify with the Egyptians being faced with the plagues...although I'm sure the handful of flies in my house is nothing compared to what they dealt with.

As I read about the plague of frogs & Pharaoh choosing to wait one more day for the frogs to be gone, I've wondered what I've been holding onto in my own life until "Tomorrow."

My thought process & perhaps even my value system on some levels has been reexamined as I've read over the laws God gave to His people to try & protect them from following anyone other then Him, in attempts to redeem them.

But something that has really stuck out to me I read in Exodus 7, prior to the first plague of the water turning to blood & its been on my mind ever since...

Exodus 7:16a (NLT) - Then announce to him, 'The LORD, the God of the Hebrews, has sent me to tell you, "Let my people go, so they can worship me in the wilderness.

Wow! Did you catch that..."so they can worship me in the wilderness." Really, worship in the wilderness? Who in the right mind would choose to worship in the wilderness? I'm not talking that mountain top experience, or standing before the vastness of the ocean, I'm talking wilderness. No thank you, I much prefer my safe, comfy church to the wilderness.

Being someone who really likes words, I thought perhaps there was more to the meaning of wilderness, then my knowledge of wilderness. So here's the definition:

Wilderness

noun [usu. in sing.]

an uncultivated, uninhabited, and inhospitable region.

• a neglected or abandoned area of a garden or town.
• figurative position of disfavor, esp. in a political context

Uh, no, it's exactly what I thought it was! & the thing is, people are led OUT OF the wilderness, not INTO it!

Perhaps there was a method to God's madness. Perhaps leading the Hebrew people (& other followers of His over the years) into the wilderness has something to do with some He said earlier in Exodus 6:7 (NLT) - I will claim you as my own people, and I will be your God. Then you know that I am the LORD your God who has freed you from your oppression in Egypt.

By being in some place uninhabited, God could truly claim His people as His won. While in Egypt, God's people were slavs, under the ownership of Pharaoh. They had already been claimed in a sense. By leading His people in the wilderness, the Hebrew people were under no rule & then God could step in & claim them as His won.

When I look at my own life, I can actually identify with being claimed as God's own in the wilderness.

The wilderness' I've experienced have helped define who I am. The wilderness is without a doubt not a place I've enjoyed being, or look forward to going back to, but it's totally uninhabited & uncultivated, a place where God can truly have His way in our lives.

The wilderness is not a permanent destination, thankfully! It's merely part of the journey to not so much GET to where we're supposed to be, but to MAKE us into who we're supposed to be.