Summertime and Scraped Knees

Living in Southern Alberta, we take every possible moment when the wind isn't howling, the sun is shining and the temperature isn't frigid to spend outdoors. I have two little girls who finish up breakfast and are promptly asking the play outside for the remainder of the day.

My girls are 3.5 and 1.5 years old. If you have toddlers you know that this age means bumps and bruises. Whether they're moving too fast and run into something or trip over their own feet, I feel like someone is always picking themselves up off the floor. I've learned rather quickly that my superpower is to heal "owies" with a single kiss (and occasionally with the help of a Doc McStuffins band-aid).

Being outside with my girls brings all sorts of new accidents to be had. From something as simple as walking to pick up the mail to something as complex as climbing on the playground, the risk of injury is never ending. We've officially entered scraped knee season and currently both girls have scabs on various body parts.

There are certainly times when I'm over cautious,
"don't run on the sidewalk."
"Don't climb up there."
"Stay close."
"Hold my hand."
The maternal protector in me comes out in full force. But I'm learning about balance; about letting my daughters explore and learn their own physical boundaries. While I often cringe watching my youngest run after her sister, envisioning her falling and getting road rash on her chin, there's something so beautiful about watching that sense of independence unfold before your own eyes.

As we're experiencing that transition from "baby to toddler" and "toddler to preschooler," I'm learning to trust my mothering instincts even more. The A-Type, controlling, perfectionist is me is being set aside as the proud mom watches her children grow up and discover the world and their place in it.

Motherhood is such a fine balancing act and I feel that as my daughters are growing, so am I. As they discover new abilities (and speeds!), I'm discovering the fine line between fear and faith in parenting. I have no doubt we'll be buying boxes upon boxes of Doc McStuffins band-aids this summer. I'm also confident knowing that the three of us will grow immensely into exactly who we're supposed to be. As I've been watching my flowers flourish I think it's fair to say that we've been flourishing, too.

Who You Are Vs What You Do

Ok, we did it! My oldest is potty trained. At 3.5 years old and after many battle of the wills, she decided she was ready and that was that. To say that I didn't beat myself up on a regular basis over my child who is quite intelligent not being potty trained would be an understatement.  It was a daily battle not feeling like a failure every time I changed a Pull-Up.

Unfortunately, social media was no help. "Potty Train in 3 Days," let me tell you, I tried every trick, bribe, method and timing in the book. And, although I have some amazing mom's in my life who continually encouraged me, reminding me that her not using the potty isn't a direct reflection on my parenting, there were a few (whom I sincerely hope unintentionally) weren't so kind in their comments or looks.

What I learned through the potty training process with my daughter is that ultimately what matters most is who you are, not what you do. This is something my husband and I strive to teach and model for our children, that their character is far more important then their skill set. There have been countless times that my toddler's character shone through and made more proud than any poop or pee on a potty could.

The same goes for you, at the end of the day, many won't care or remember what you can do, but they will remember how you made them feel. Do you look someone in the eyes and actually listen to what they're saying? Are you generous, more than fiscally, with your time, your words, your actions? Are you kind? Are you patient?

There is definitely a time and a place to let you skill set shine and I believe we've been gifted with talents for a purpose; but perhaps we put too much emphasis on the talent sometimes? In the parenting world we love to show off our offsprings latest learned skill, ensuring they're reaching those crucial milestones. And yes, milestones should be celebrated and new skills practiced, as should the budding character of our wee ones.

If you're feeling pressed down and like you don't measure up because of something as trivial as potty training, let me remind you that who you are far outshines what you do and in the end it always will.

"You're doing a good job."

Recently I was out for dinner with my two daughters. As per usual my children were friendly & smiley towards those seated around us, including the table with a family that had two older girls. Following our meal, on the way out of the restaurant, the mom of the family with the daughters stopped me. She asked the ages of my children (3 & 1), commented on how busy I must be (in a knowing sort of way) & then complimented their behaviour throughout the meal.

The exchange of that evening got me thinking about how I interact with other parents, whether I know them or not. We’ve all been there, someone starts melting down in the middle of the store & everyone is all eyes. Some give the sympathetic look, portraying complete understanding of the situation. Others are judgemental, usually as they’ve never been in that situation themselves. Occasionally a passerby will offer the words, “this too shall pass.” But still there the desperate parent is, struggling to keep it together & help their child get it together.

The thing that stuck out to me about my interaction with the fellow girl mom following our mealtime out, was that she didn’t offer me some cliche phrase to make me feel guilty about not savouring these hectic, busy baby & toddler years, rather encouraged my children & more directly my parenting.

I can totally appreciate the sentiment of the phrase, “this too shall pass.” Parents of adult children never fail to let you know that “before you know it they’re grown,” & any parent knows this all too well. I mean, hello, where has the last year gone? Just like that I’m on the cusp of full on toddlerhood with my second child! The days may be long, but the years are certainly, very short. And although that short phrase, “this too shall pass,” is intended to offer some sort of hope, it still leaves a parent feeling desperate & in the moment, often like a failure.

I know that in those crazy moments when the sh*t is hitting the fan & meltdown mode is in full swing, it’s like a car crash; it’s so bad that you want to look away, but you just can’t. Imagine if rather than giving that awkward, knowing smile, or offering some cliche that offers little to no hope in that precise moment, if we simply said, “you’re doing a good job.”

I’ll be honest, I’m my own worst critic when it comes to parenting. There are countless times when I beat myself up as I drift to sleep about situations that I could have handled better, been more patient, spoke more softly, been more kind, been more engaged… What I need more than anything from those who have been there isn’t unsolicited advice (social media offers enough of that, thank you very much), or a catchphrase to make me feel guilty. What I need is someone who’s been there to identify that I am in fact doing the best that I can given the circumstances.

So the next time I witness a meltdown in the grocery store, knowing the self condemnation that accompanies your child losing it, I’ll be the first offer the phrase, “you’re doing a good job,” because really, aren’t we all just hungry for validation? Parenthood is hard enough on it’s own with sleepless nights, endless laundry, mealtime mishaps & feeding struggles, playtime struggles, the witching hour, chaotic bath & bedtimes, potty training, explosive poos, meltdown moments, figuring out childcare etc. etc. etc. What we really need from other parents is a cheer squad. Unless asked, I won’t offer advice, just encouragement. 

Goodness knows we all need.

Back at it.

It’s been awhile, a very long while. So much has changed and yet, so little. 

So, what’s changed? My baby girl is now a toddler. A crazy 3 year old, with most amazing vocabulary and entertaining personality. She’s always up for fun and a giggle, she’s friendly and outgoing, she knows what she wants and I’m certain one day this will be a trait I greatly admire in her, although at times it makes me want to scream.

There is however still a baby girl in my life. A sweet little one year old, who is full of smiles and spunk. She’s a quiet the observer and then quickly surprises you with her go-getter attitude. Did I mention she’s sweet? She truly is, the sweetest little thing and she’s been like that from the moment she joined our wee family.

Our world is busier and much more pink, but then it’s always been busy and always very pink. I’m still at this stay-at-home mom thing. Working on not beating myself up over the little things and celebrating the little (& the BIG!) things. Have you ever noticed how it’s easier to beat ourself up than to celebrate our wins, no matter how big? Here’s a win, I’ve finished cups of coffee lately before they’ve gone cold. I won’t get into my dismal feelings of failure…not today at least. I’m sure there’s great pieces of wisdom to be shared, I’m just still working through the process of not picking myself apart too badly. Thankfully His mercies are new every morning and perhaps after nap times, too?

We’ve grown and experienced and been stretched & challenged & here we are still standing. I’m still holding hands with the most amazing man I know. He’s forever wowing us with how he loves, protects, provides, encourages and supports us. Through every season we’ve faced we’ve somehow come through stronger and more committed than before. 

It’s the fall, a new season. Although September is not even close to beginning of the year, in my mind it’s always been the beginning. Perhaps because after our little summer hiatus from everything from actives to favourite TV shows, it’s all starting up again. Or perhaps it’s because in my former career everything seemed to kick start after the summer and I’m stuck in that mode. Regardless, I’m happy for this fall, I’m feeling rooted and ready for all that’s headed our way.

What Now?

Life seems to be just passing me by lately. Hours turn to day, which turn to weeks, which turn to months. Finding myself a week into March I can help but question, "how in the world did I end up here?"

Never before in my life have I had such feelings of uselessness. My resignation the end of September, 2012, brought a welcome break. For the first time in my life, this planner has had absolutely no plans.  Never did I anticipate I'd be unemployed for so long & yet here I am. My whole life I've known what my next step is & now I'm stuck wondering "I'm here, now what?"

Last week I had the privilege of speaking at the Christian Camping International (CCI) Retreat for Alberta in Gull Lake, AB. My mom & I did some tag-teaming in a couple of workshops & I have to say that together we work quite well. It was so refreshing to do something that I feel competent at. I love preparing & delivering messages. Public speaking has always been something that I've felt totally comfortable & dare I say, called to do. Being surrounded by camp people renewed my excitement for this summer as I'll be spending two weeks doing on of my favourite things, camp ministry. In April once again I'll get to do some tag-teaming with my mom at a women's retreat. In the midst of this wilderness of wondering what's next I love experiencing moments of refreshing, doing what I love.

I'm ready to start a new career chapter, although it could potentially be short lived. If nothing else then for the sake of my sanity I need something meaningful to do, even if it looks like making coffees or stocking shelves, or perhaps something will come of the networking done at the CCI Retreat.

As I wait & trust my greatest planning to the ultimate Planner, it's hard to imagine what's next. With the bump now forming around my tummy I'm continually reminded that regardless of what I end up doing, come August, "mother" will be added to my list of job titles.

Excuses, Excuses, Excuses

Yikes, it's been far too long since I've found myself with a blank page before myself with the opportunity to create & communicate. I have to admit, although I took a very welcome break, it's good to be back. Not only am I back to writing & blogging, but coming up in four weeks I'll be speaking again too!

This autumn/fall has proven to be full of change & in turn exhausting. The beginning of November the conditions were lifted on our offer to purchase a new home in a new community. The two weeks that followed the whirlwind began as I packed every earthly possessions we own & cleaned our first home for a new family to inhabit. This time of transition was incredibly emotional as I essentially prepared for our move on my own.

Three trailers, three Jeep's, two sets of parents & a few amazing strong hands later we were moved into our new home. It was time to settle & begin a normal life together again. Unpacking is much more fun then packing! I found that I made sacrifices in our new home as I found places for all of our possessions & yet in other areas I seemed to have room to spare. All in all, our home was starting to feel just like that, home.

Before I knew it the first of December had rolled around & it was time to prepare for Christmas. Decorations, parties, dinners, friends, family & gifts were in abundance! Oh & I was coughing & had congested sinus'.

New Years came & went with family & treasured life long friends & my cold got worse. Which brings me to today, it's nearly the end of January & I can finally say I'm feeling better...for the most part.

As always, God has been so incredibly faithful to Matt & I. We're now totally settled in a beautiful home, located in a lovely neighbourhood. We've met our new neighbours, all of which are friendly & kind. I've had the opportunity to give my body the rest it's needed as I've fought this awful virus. We've had family & friends to visit us in our new home. After spending three months apart this autumn, we've had plenty of time together to laugh, dream & cry.

Life is exceptionally beautiful & although I currently find myself in a new place, with no job, no friends (although I do have plenty of family around) & no real plan, I'm incredibly content.

With all my excuses out of the way I can say, I'm back! Time to write, dream & create.

Lesson #1

I'm currently finding myself in the midst of a crazy transition. Life as I knew it is not what I'm currently experiencing; what I'm currently experiencing is not the life I will soon be living. In the midst of this transition I've been quite reflective of the past few years of my life & have realized that I've learned some valuable life lessons along the way.

Lesson #1:
Remember, life is full of seasons & this too shall pass.

With the turning of the leaves & cooling temperatures, I can't help but find this particular valuable life lesson that much more relevant.

Life brings all sorts of twists & turns with it, some expected & some very unexpected. For some reason it never ceases to amaze me that when I keep my current situations in perspective I tend to learn & grow more. Through some of the difficult moments I've found myself in, it's been incredibly comforting to keep in mind the cliche "hindsight is 20/20." In retrospect it feels as if each season has been full of its own defining moments & I've discovered more about myself & who I've been created to be as I've had to navigate through each circumstance.

From everything like planning a wedding, to building a house, from walking through a church split, to making a career shift, my husband & I have experienced a variety of different seasons & emotions to go along with them. Nearly every season seems to last forever when stuck in the middle of it. Tears have been shed, multiple prayers uttered, sleepless nights too numerous to count have passed & yet, there has been peace. Peace that surpasses all understanding has been mine through every situation I've found myself in.

Some may say this comes from some deep, inner peace. Perhaps. Although I give the credit of this peace to the fact that I know the One who creates the seasons & changes them. The deep truth is that instead of worrying, there's one thing to do - pray; tell God what you need, & thank Him for all He has done. As a result of this action, peace that is so big to guard our hearts & minds comes.

In the midst of the current chaos I'm in, I'm finding peace once again.  Normally at times like this I'd be totally stressed & freaking out. It's no small miracle that I'm currently feeling just fine with the uncertainty & chaos. There's no doubt in my mind that this stems from peace that surpasses all understanding; unexplainable peace that comes from presenting all my requests to the only one who knows all.

Thankfully seasons have a beginning & an end. Six weeks into this season, I have to admit I'm looking forward to the end. In the meantime, I'm surviving because of peace that is far bigger then the current chaos & in knowing that one day I'll look back on this & recognize defining moments.

So long, farewell

After years of having to say goodbye, you think I’d be good at it, or at least comfortable with it.  The truth is, I’m not.  As I face the end of yet another chapter in my life, I find myself in a bit of denial as I know that all too soon I’ll be saying those two words laced with tears.  I suppose it’s a good thing when one stays “soft,” at least that’s what I’m telling myself.

Reflecting back there are certain goodbyes I distinctively remember.
I’ve had to say goodbye to my parents & siblings as I’ve left the continent, unsure if I’d ever return to call Canada “home.”
I said goodbye to my best friend/boyfriend (now husband), as I went to the opposite end of the world just days after we started dating.
I’ve said goodbye to friends from around the globe, not knowing when, where, or if our paths will ever cross again.
I’ve said final goodbyes to two grandparents who graduated to heaven.
My husband & I have said goodbye countless times as he or I have left the other for days at a time to take work trips.
I’ve said goodbye to besties who have relocated.
Each of these goodbye has been significant & painful in its own way.

Despite these various situations of having to say goodbye to some of my nearest & dearest, I have a feeling the round of goodbyes coming up could quite possibly be one of the most painful.  In just over a week I will be saying goodbye to my church family as my husband & I continue the crazy adventure we’ve on together.  I’m aware that people leave churches all the time, be it because of discontent, unresolved issues, or relocation; what we’re about to do is nothing out of the norm.  However, I’d like to suggest that our departure will indeed be one of great sadness as we are in fact leaving on a good note, yet a difficult one.  I’ve been on staff at our church for over 5 years…  5 of the most difficult, wonderful & stretching years of my life.  I’ve grown in countless ways & learned that there’s a lot that wasn’t actually taught to me in Bible College, that or perhaps I was just to naïve to take notice of that which would prepare me for real life ministry.  We’ve gone through rough patches, as well as some good.  Numerous times the thought crossed my mind to leave earlier, yet I always felt that the timing just wasn’t right & now there’s peace as my notice has been given & my final day is in sight.

Our church has not only been my place of employment, but it’s also become a second family to us.  We’ve created relationships with young & old that have made an eternal impact on our lives.  We’re so thankful for the laughs, tears, coffees, lunches, dinners, desserts & fun we’ve had the opportunity to share with those have accepted & loved us.  We've both grown & matured in countless ways. We've been empowered & released to do what God has called us to in ministry & in our everyday lives.

I know that more goodbyes will come my way over the years.  I also know that this isn’t a final goodbye, as I’m certain we’ll visit this “home” of ours often.  When we encounter those who are a part of this family we’ve grown with, our interactions will not be awkward or unfriendly, rather we’ll embrace with warmth & fondness.  Not only are we moving on with a blessing, we will leave one as we go & although you'll hear goodbyes from our mouths, in our hearts we'll really be saying "see you soon."

I was evacuated.

There's nothing like an evacuation to put life into perspective. Thankfully I was home from work as the small town I live in was being evacuated. Frantically I went through our home of three years gathering what would be needed in the event that our house ended up in flames.

While gathering important papers, passports & photos I began to get a greater perspective on what's truly of value. I'm so thankful that my parents were able to come assist me. My mom helped me get a handle on what's irreplaceable as she began packing up pieces from my husband's grandma & china pieces that have been passed down through generations, plus precious quilts handmade by my maternal grandma.

Leaving my home gave me a new understanding of what it would feel like to live in a developing nation. As I looked ahead & saw nothing but a steady stream of traffic & in my rear view mirrors just as many vehicles following. Imagining what it would be like to be making that trek away from my home on foot brought all sorts of emotions to the surface. I could not have been more thankful to have a vehicle to assist with my quick evacuation; my Jeep, is something that I so often take for granted & yet after a day like yesterday, I was so appreciative of the four wheels that transported me to safety.

My mom & I headed out of town at the same time, while my dad was a bit behind as he went to rescue our trailer. The only thing is that he wasn't just "a bit" behind, we didn't see him for more then five hours. Did I mention he didn't have a cell phone on him? What was supposed to be a quick trip, ended up being an evening full of praying & fried nerves. Turns out my dad was stuck in traffic, thankfully that's all that had happened.

Although I had our family heirlooms, all important documents & our wedding photos, I realize that the most important thing in my life, isn't a thing. The most important thing in my life is without a doubt the relationships I have with my nearest & dearest. I know that that sounds incredibly cliche, but it couldn't be more true after the past 24 hours I've experienced.

Last night I was incredibly displaced with only a suitcase that I threw a few clothing items in (no shoes I might add, shocking, I know!), a laundry basket with items wrapped in tea towels & a backseat full of important papers & photos. To be honest, I'm still emotionally raw. I could not be more thankful for the many men & women who have worked so hard to keep homes & lives safe. I could not be more thankful to my incredible brother-in-law who was out digging trenches, one of the many unsung heros of Southern Alberta; someone who certainly never signed up to fight fires.

Finally my heart is bursting at the seams that my family is safe. Words can't even begin to describe how thankful & grateful I am at the moment. The words "His mercies are new every morning," have never felt more true in my life then they did today.

Making Goals

In keeping with my goal to write on a weekly basis, here is my first blog of September.

I would say I'm dreamer & definitely a planner.  One of my dreams is to write a book one day.  This has been a dream of mine for quite a few years now.  Having said that, if I'm not currently writing, how will the thoughts muddled up inside of me ever make their way onto paper?  And so, my goal to write on a weekly basis has become part of plan in achieving my dream of writing a book.

My husband & I have always been planners & dreamers.  In fact, when we first got married we had some dreams that we wished to achieve before growing our family.  In less then six months all our set dreams had become reality & suddenly we needed to dream more & bigger.  Here we are four years & a half years later, still dreaming.

I'm realizing that as I get older time really does seem to go by faster, or perhaps it's true that, "time flies when you're having fun."  Suddenly it's September & I find myself with only a few more precious months left in 2012.  Although I'm a planner & set goals for myself, to say that I'm good at setting deadlines is another story.  That being said for the time being my goal is to write once a week until the end of the year.  Maybe this is a big goal.  This fall seems to be bringing all sorts of changes & challenges with it.  Hopefully with everything going on around me I'm not setting myself up for failure, rather stretching myself & my capacity.

Psalm 37:4 states:
Take delight in the Lord,
and he will give you the desires of your heart.

I believe this to be truth, and so as I plan & dream, I know that ultimately the One who gave the dream will be the One to ultimately make it come to pass.  In the meantime I'll be taking delight in Him & doing what I've been enabled to do.

It's been awhile...

& I have so many thoughts rolling around in my head & noted all over the place.

In no particular order here's what's happening:

I'm thankful for Post-it notes, scrap paper & Notes on my iPhone & iPad.  Where would I be without the ability to jot down little reminders for myself?

Summer!  Although the past couple of months seem to be a blur, I'm so thankful for a break in the norm & some hot weather.  Honestly, summer has been really busy this year.  There's been quite a bit to cramp into a few weeks, but I've loved (nearly) every minute of it.  Despite the summer cold I'm still fighting, overall summer 2012 is a season to be remembered, full of family, friends & beautiful memories.

I've really missed writing.  It's been strange not to be blogging, or writing documents in Word, or flushing out thoughts in my journal.  It's time to get back at it, to start setting myself some goals & to follow through.

Lately I've been thinking a lot about how my belief system needs to line up with my lifestyle.  It's easy to be "a sinner saved by grace."  When I sin, I ask for forgiveness.  The thing is the cycle continues & unless I make a conscious choice, nothing changes.  But something needs to change.

I also really miss reading!  It's been longer then I prefer since I last picked up a book, relaxed & just read.  My days have been so busy lately that it seems when I sit down to relax I'm just falling asleep, not reading.  This needs to change...soon.  So soon in fact that I'm planning on stopping to pick up a book or two this afternoon.

This coming autumn looks as though it'll bring a few more changes then just the leaves colours.  I like change.  I thrive in change.  I'm excited.  Perhaps I'll be changing my hairstyle soon as well just to get this ball rolling.

And then it was June.

Where does time go?  How is it that 2012 is nearly half over already?  I feel as though reflecting back over the past few months is the same as look at a toddlers piece of art; crazy, confusing & yet beautiful.

I like feeling as though we're finally having moments where the sun is gracious enough to grace us with its presence.  Although this past winter wasn't particularly cold, it was extremely gloomy.  How nice to feel the warmth of the sun & watch life being breathed into nature once again.  I've enjoyed moments of being outside in the sunshine, basking in its warmth, while filling my lungs with the fresh air.  Hopefully this summer will be full of these refreshing moments spent outdoors with those nearest & dearest to me.

It's amazing how life get so busy at times that you feel as though you've shifted into autopilot.  Without a doubt, I could define my life this spring as being in autopilot.  It seems that sometime the end of March something shifted & I began just going through the motions.  Perhaps it was that I was done with the dreary, windy weather.  Or maybe it was caused by conversations & circumstances I found myself in.  Whatever initiated it, I'm now realizing the effects it's had on my outlook & attitude towards everything that has found it's way onto my "to do" list.

As life seems to be springing up all around me, I can't help but want to get in on vibrant freshness of the world.

The thing is, it takes more then just wanting to feel free & alive.  It takes a conscious decision to wake up with excitement for what the day holds.  It's up to me to choose to my attitude, it doesn't just happen.

And with that in mind, as the earth seems to be coming alive, I'm reminding myself that it's my choice to get in on the exciting new life springing up all around.  It's time to get out of autopilot & get on it with it.  So watch out, I'm ready to bloom.

The Life You've Imagined

Have you ever seen those mugs, or journals that have inspirational quotes on them at Chapters? Today one quote from the cover of a journal has come crashing to mind, "Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined." -Thoreau.

The truth is the life I'm living is more then I ever imagined it would be in terms of what I dreamed as a little girl & even what I had hoped for in high school. I married my best friend just over four years ago. Our relationship has been full of beautiful, romantic moments that make up fairy tales. We built our first home & moved in just over three years ago & it has quickly become more then just a dwelling place for us, it's our safe place where we're establishing ourselves as a family. Both my hubs & I started our careers fairly young & despite many opposing situations have managed to be successful by the worlds standards & by our own personal standards as well.

The thing about the above quote is that I think "life" encompasses more then just what you DO & HAVE. I think it really boils down to do who you ARE. What character traits define you? What are you passionate about? What do you love?

With my 26th birthday still fresh in my memory, I can't help but challenge myself to "Live the life I've imagined," as I realize there are only a few precious more years left in my twenties. I've come to understand that what I DO & HAVE is ultimately trivial at the end of the day. It's my character that creates this "life I've imagined."

And so bearing all this in mind, I'm bravely facing the next four years with a smile on my face. I'm looking forward to new adventures & challenges as I stretch myself to live this life to it's fullest. The future is no doubt bright & so I'm putting on my sunnies; I don't want to miss one second because I've been squinting!

So lately...

A few weeks ago, a thought process & deep conviction that my hubs & I share was challenged. Who knew a thoughtless comment would offend & hurt us so quickly & deeply? At the age of 25 (nearly 26!) I can honestly say I've now experienced a fairly serious offence. Over the past few weeks I've been working through forgiveness towards this individual, which has become a daily thing. It's easy for offence to taint our world views & effect our attitudes. Although the child in me would like to just be hurt & make sure everyone knows it, I realize that pouting is not the appropriate or responsible action to take. Growing pains are never easy, & whether a core element of my belief system needs to change, or if I just need to work on my heart & maintaing a Christ-like attitude, I know one day I'll be thankful for this experience which challenged my character & hopefully was a defining moment in my adult life.

I've always loved writing. I remember being in school & loving any & every assignment that involved having to write a short story, essay, letter etc. Currently my mind is racing thinking of how to best utilize this passion. Perhaps there's a book in me somewhere just waiting to be put onto pages.

Recently I've heard from a few people on more then one occasion that I'm "wise." This word completely humbles & astonishes me every time I hear it. I feel as though my life experience is extremely limited compared to others. I've only had two years of post-secondary education & at a Bible College no less. I have no degree. No children. I've only ever had one real job. How could I possibly be wise? And yet, there's something within that word that resonates within me. I've always desired to be known as someone who has wisdom. As I read through Proverbs, I can't help but be drawn to the character of a the wise person. That is who I desire to be & hopefully who I am becoming.

I turn 26 in a couple of days. I've come to the realization that I'm now closer to 30 than to 20. Although I don't feel older, the number "26" is quite alarming. Who am I? What is my purpose on this earth? How can I reach my full potential? What would I like to do with the remainder of my 20-something years?

I've had this desire recently to go against the status-quo. Perhaps there's a bit of rebellion within me, but I'm fairly confident this stems from a thought process of wanting to know the "why" behind the "what." What's more valuable, the process or the deep set conviction that inspired the process? I hope to be a woman who values what is truly valuable in life.

In light of Easter I can't help but be overwhelmed by the New Covenant. What an incredible gift to receive salvation & freedom from sin & the law. I'm certain my mind barely grasps the fullness of the gift which I have received.

And that's what's been going on in my mind & life lately...

...days ordained for me...

I had started writing a blog yesterday. Since I had a bit of a crazy day I had typed a few thoughts, but hadn't completed anything. As it turns out, today I received an e-mail asking me to share at a ladies cafe-styled evening in a couple weeks. So, my thoughts will be saved until after that evening, at which time I'll post them on here.

I'm not one who believe in coincidences. To say that having these God-thoughts rolling around in my head & then being asked to share God-thoughts in just over two weeks, is a coincidence is not me. I do however believe in a much bigger plan.

The curriculum I use in the children's ministry I lead talks very much about The Big God Story. How this amazing story started in Genesis 1:1, continues throughout the Bible, includes me & will continue on to my future with Jesus. Such an amazing way to look at life. Not as isolated events, but rather as God's amazing narrative playing out as He reconciles humanity back to Himself.

Psalm 139 is one of my all time favourite parts of the Bible. As I've been contemplating timing in the midst of the thoughts rolling around my head & the incredible invitation I've received to share my thoughts, Psalm 139:15 has come crashing to the forefront of my mind.

Your eyes saw my unformed body;
all the days ordained for me were written in your book
before one of them came to be.

God knew exactly what was going to go down. In fact, He ordained it.

And so here I sit, mulling over numerous things, smiling to myself, amazed once again at how my God is at work.

January thoughts

For someone who claims to love writing & one day dreams of writing a book, you'd never know it from taking a look at this blog...YIKES!

On the other hand, if you check out dgcchurch.ca and "click" on the "Blog" link along the top menu bar, you'd see otherwise...

Hard to believe that January 2012, is more then half over! Where on earth has the time gone? Seems like I was just preparing for Christmas. New Years came & went basically without me even noticing & now the second & shortest month of the year is nearly here. It boggles my mind to think of how fast time seems to fly by.

This past fall was certainly one of being stretched, challenged & learning to adapt. To say it was a difficult autumn would be a bit of an understatement. It was long & it was tough to get through. There were various moments of wanting to just up & move, to start over some place completely new. The good news is that I persevered, survived & perhaps in some brief moments even thrived. I believe I learned much. I had to work on my heart, which is always good for me & my character.

I think the older I get, the greater appreciation I receive for time. In the culture I live in, we don't like to wait. We want what we want, & we want it right now. No waiting, no lines, instant service please. Over the past few weeks I've really be challenged to re-evalute the value of waiting, being patient & even hopeful. I believe a certain level of contentment comes with being willing to wait. Such a beautiful thing when you exude peace because you're content & full of hope; certainly the opposite to an anxious, rushing society we live in.

All this being said, we're now well into the Winter Season. Things seem to be going rather smoothly & life is looking pretty good, however, I know that life is full of seasons. Perhaps what I'm experiencing at the moment is the "calm before the storm," who's to say what will come next?

In moments like this I'm consciously I'm choosing to be content. I'm choosing patience, hope & peace.

...the desires of your heart

It seems to be fairly common for people to tell me, "you will have the desires of your heart" (Ps37:4). Mostly recently on Monday evening someone yet again spoke these words to me, which reminded someone else of a time when they did as well.

As I've been pondering & thinking about these eight little words that are so often thrown around, I'm realizing that at the moment I couldn't even tell you exactly what "the desires of my heart" are. I've had plenty of dreams, things I've wanted to accomplish. From getting married, to being a children's pastor, owning a home...the list goes on, however these are all things that have already been "checked" off the list.

At the moment, it feels as though I'm in the place of having to dream new dreams. What are those "desires of my heart"? It also feels as though it's the start of a new season in my life, & with this new season it would only seem natural for there to be some new dreams as well. Yet, it feels as though there aren't any at the moment.

The fabulous news, is that those eight little words are preceded by five profound words, "Take delight in the Lord." The truth is, that the desires don't come until I do something. This happens to be the best thing for me at the moment. I may not have a clear idea as to what my dreams & desires are right now, but I do know about delighting in the Lord. I also happen to firmly believe that not only is He the one who gives us the desires of our hearts, but He also plants those desires in our hearts in the first place.

Thankful

This past weekend Canadians celebrated Thanksgiving, a time set aside every year to thank God for everything we have.

Yesterday a beloved friend sent me a list of 365 things she's thankful for in 2011, which got me thinking. The following list isn't quite 365, not nearly 365 in fact, but here's a few things I was reminded to be thankful for over the course of this past weekend...

I spent Friday afternoon & evening with my lovely sister-in-law, her husband & their beautiful twin girls. I'm thankful to have the kind of relationship with my sister-in-law that I'm able to be apart of their lives on a regular basis. I love that I get to spend time with my lovely nieces & watch as each week they grow up just a little bit more.

Saturday I got to spend basically the whole day with my husband. I'm thankful for someone who's strong, caring, generous, kind, honest, gracious, supportive, understanding, patient, loving, encouraging, wise, smart, sexy...the list goes on. Not only is this man my life partner, he's also my best friend. He's the only one who knows absolutely everything about me & yet still loves me.

Sunday morning in church I was reminded to be thankful that I live in a country where there is freedom to worship my God.

Sunday we celebrated Thanksgiving with both our families. I'm thankful for my roots. My parents are incredible people who have been amazing parents. They've taught me about life & have instilled great values into me. My in-laws are such amazing people who love ms as their own daughter. They have done a fine job in raising my husband to be the man he is today. I couldn't be more thankful for these two families who have shaped my husband & I. We are a direct result of their love, persistence & God's grace. Our meal was delicious & filling. I'm thankful for the abundance of nourishment available to me.

The majority of Monday was spent in my home, which is located in a fabulous little cul-de-sac with fantastic neighbours. I'm happy for the shelter I'm lucky enough to dwell in. It's comfy, it's warm & it's safe. My neighbourhood if full of amazing friendly people, all of whom I know are looking out for us & we for them.

Truly this is just scrapping the surface. There is so much that I'm thankful for & although this list isn't 365 things long, I know without a doubt it could be...

Psalm 136:1

Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good. His love endures forever.

Sunday mornings...

have been one of the times I look forward to the most in my week for nearly as long as I can remember.

However, working at a church has greatly affected the way I look at church...hopefully for the better.

I've come to realize that my time spent in a service on a Sunday morning really isn't about me. In fact, anyone who attends church on Sunday & only thinks about themselves is really missing the point.

It's not about if worship was too long/short/loud/quiet, if the offering message inspired/offended me, if the message was too long/short/irrelevant/spiritual, if the coffee was too strong/weak...etc.

Church is not about you, or me for that matter.

I will never forget as a young girl overhearing a conversation where someone said something like, "when you go to church you should be asking God how you can bless someone else, not how you can get blessed." There is so much truth in that statement! Because church isn't about an individual, church is really all about Jesus.

The greatest commandment is to love God & the second is to love others (Matt 22:38-39). There is nothing in there about I, or me...it's all about Him & everyone else.

How many times do people totally miss the point (even leaders!), when suddenly our own agenda, how WE want the 1.5 hours on a Sunday morning to look overrides anything else.

Truth be told, "the person who has the power to give a blessing is greater than the one who is blessed." (Heb 7:7)

When you attend church with an attitude of what you're going to GIVE rather then what you're going to GET, I guarantee what you'll receive in the end is far better then a Sunday service meeting your checklist.

what does your character say?

I've been thinking about character quite a bit lately. We all know that actions speak louder then words. What you do & who you are has more weight then what you say. It's hard to listen intently to what someone is saying when you've come to know & experience the opposite through their actions.

As a result I've been hugely challenged to make the way I act matches up with the words I speak. Although I'm not perfect, I certainly want to be someone who lives & speaks with integrity.

I want my life to be one where the things I SAY I value are actually the things I SHOW value towards. I want my life to be one where people aren't left confused & second guessing what I actually mean.

I want my life to be one where unconditional love prevails over judgement. This means that when I notice someone who's actions don't line up with their words rather then dismissing, slandering, or judging I choose to give them the benefit of the doubt & love them regardless...